completely stolen post

This jem is by John Ashdown and appeared at guardian.co.uk,
Monday September 22 2008 10:11 BST

"There's nothing like a night at the movies. The over-priced popcorn, the suspiciously sticky floor, the mortage-requiring gargantuan portions of fizzy pop, the rustle of sweet packets, the insanely expensive wine gums, the uncomfortable seats, the hours and hours of pre-feature adverts, supercilious grin on your friend's face when they tell you they've brought their own snacks and drinks from home, thus saving £712, the bitter, bitter taste of the salty (when you asked for sweet) popcorn, which is costing you around £3.50 a mouthful and tastes so revolting you want to cry but you swallow it down anyway because to stop eating it would only make you feel worse for the £382 you've wasted and you can hear your friend quietly munching on their delicious home made brownie and you're sure they're making "Mmmm" noises just to irritate you and you'll be damned if you'll give them the satisfaction by chucking your food away and the film is so bad you want to walk out but you've spent your month's food budget on coming here so even if you're eyes start to bleed you're going to sit there and watch the ruddy thing if only so you can go to the pub afterwards, buy a half with the few coppers remaining in your pocket and rage to anyone who'll listen about the true awfulness of the pathetic excuse for a film you've just wasted three valuable hours on."

Brilliant!!!